The Idiotic God
by Mizoreku
Summary: If Matsuda had picked up the Death Note that day. Go back 3 years from the Kira case's start, and see life through Matsuda's POV.


Tap, tap, tap. Taro tapped his fingers against his desk, trying to find some cure for this monotony he affectionately dubbed "paperwork". The man glanced at a large stack of papers residing on the corner of his desk, and scowled at the sight. "I despise this." he muttered under his breath, to no one in specific. His whole body jerked as his pocket began to buzz and beep. He dug his hand into his pocket to pull out a small handheld device. Though this happened every day at the same time, ironically noted by his PDA, Matsuda was still caught off guard.

He placed it face up on the desk, and squinted to read the small pixelated text on screen. In capital letters, the screen showed the words ONE MINUTE. Immediately after analyzing the screen, the man leapt up from his seat and sprinted across the room. He made it through the doorway, and down the long, narrow hallway. A few feet later, he arrived in a large room. A large couch was against the south wall, and in front of that a low coffee table. He approached the table, and swiped up a dark leather wallet.

As he searched through it, a familiar sound echoed down the street. A lighthearted tune that repeated over and over, the tune of the old song "Pop goes the Weasel". As the melody began to get louder, Taro broke out in a sweat and now frantically dug through the pockets. Eventually grasping on to a crisp green bill, he tossed the wallet aside, not looking back as it landed on his rug.

Taking a few steps forward, he flung himself towards the glass door on the other side of the room. He took hold of the handle with both hands, and dramatically swayed to the left, using all of his weight to pull it open. Sidestepping to the right and then darting through the door, the music was now louder than ever. As his first foot came in contact with the grass, making a crisp crunch noise, the music stopped.

"Damn it, damn it, damn it." Matsuda grumbled to himself, over and over, as he ran, dollar in hand, towards the source of the music- a large white truck with a giant plastic ice cream cone on top. As he approached the wooden counter attached to the side of the truck, he nearly got his arm hooked on the edge of the wood. Thankfully he stopped in time and grabbed on to the wood, then hoisted himself up, in a failed attempt to make himself look taller.

"Hello there." the man inside the truck said, in a dull tone. He was turned around, facing a giant wall that seemed to also serve as a freezer. He began to turn around, as he spoke to Taro. "What is it you'd like to--" he cut himself off mid sentence with a groan. "Matsuda!" The ice cream man put his elbow on the counter, and leaned his forehead on his palm. "It's you again. Get to the back of the line, no pushing." Taro scowled, and took his hands off the wood counter, losing a good half a foot of height. He was just about to tell off the man, before he felt a tap on his shoulder. He quickly spun around, and lashed out at the tapper. "What?!"

"You cut in front of my friend." The one who tapped him was short, maybe four-foot ten, and had blonde hair that went down to the base of his neck. He wore all black, and the way he stared Taro in the eyes disturbed him deeply. "No I didn't." he replied, pouting childishly. He then quickly turned away before the kid said anything else. "Listen. Teru." The man said, now leaning forward. "I come here every god damned day, and I just want some freaking ice cream for once." he said, obviously annoyed. He squinted his eyes, glaring at the ice cream man.

The little boy tapped his shoulder again, and once again, Taro spun around. "Listen, you little brat…" he trailed off, thinking of what to say. "No. You listen to me." The boy, who could be no older than ten, now had a fierce edge to his voice. "Look at him." he pointed to a small boy behind him. He had pale white skin, and scruffy white hair to match. He wore white pajamas, he seemed like the opposite of the other boy. Tears streamed down his cheeks, that he tried to wipe off with the sleeve of his oversized pajamas.

"So what?" Matsuda stuck out his tongue, mocking the child. The same kid then grabbed the sleeve of Matsuda's jacket. "Bitch!" Before the man could react to what the boy did, he was greeted with a powerful right hook to his nose. One punch, and he fell to the ground, the blood from his nose now dripping on to the sidewalk. The boy wrapped his arm around the shoulder of the other, comforting him. He looked down at the fallen man. The line, which now was of about ten people, all stared at the man on the ground in silence. Even Teru had nothing to say. After a long moment of silence, the ice cream man yelled out "Next!" and the line moved up. Instead of stepping over the man or moving him, he simply became the ice cream truck's welcome mat, until he regained consciousness about an hour later.

Taro put both his hands on the ground, to hoist himself up. He pushed himself up on to his knees, and looked down. Noting the blood-stained grass around him, he felt his nose. Touching it hurt. He looked at his hand, now covered in blood. Crimson red blood. "Oh shit!" he quickly sprang up from the sidewalk, and ran back towards his house. Under the coffee case was a brown suitcase. He pulled it out by the dark handle, and ran right back out his door, almost forgetting to lock it.

In a matter of moments, he was outside his car door. He reached his hand in through where the window should have been, and pulled up on the switch, unlocking the car. The car keys were lodged in the engine permanently, so he broke the window for easy access. Matsuda figured nobody would want his car anyway- it was an old black cargo van. The side was a mess, as Taro attempted to paint over the side that had FREE CANDY spray painted over it. Little did he know the cheap paint dried to be transparent. As he opened the door, and sat down in the worn seat, he heard the familiar squeak of the seat settling. "Note to self… never buy a car off Craigslist again." He groaned, tossing his suitcase into the passenger seat.

He turned the keys, igniting the engine. As he jammed on the pedal, he flew right out of his driveway, and went down the street. As he approached the corner of Raney, he made a right. After going straight for a few minutes, he slow down the car, and parked outside of a large manor. It was a beautiful house, the outside was a grayish white color. Matsuda glanced at his wristwatch. "Great, I still have some time, just need to change…" he mumbled to himself. He quickly pulled his arms in towards his body, letting his jacket fall to the car floor.

As he went to raise his arms in the air to slip off his shirt, his elbow accidentally hit the horn, letting out a loud sound. Taro flinched, but then resumed undressing. Lifting up his right leg, he began to slip out of his pants, until he caught sight of someone on the sidewalk giving him a strange look. "Oh my God!" it was a woman, probably in her middle ages, who stared at Matsuda. He gave her a strange look back, until he realized that he was sitting in his car- his black cargo van- with no pants on. "Wait, no, it's not what you think!" Matsuda yelled in his own defense, flailing his arms around like a madman.

The woman had already ran halfway down the block, so he sighed and opened up his suitcase. Inside the suitcase was the outfit he had to wear to work. He quickly changed, then got out of his car. He slammed the door shut, and walked up to the large house. When he made it to the front door, he jammed his finger on the button to the right of the door. A ring was heard from inside, as well as the laughter of children. The door was opened by a well dressed clean-cut man, who seemed to be in his mid thirties. "Ah, yes… welcome. The kids are right in here." Matsuda stepped inside the house, and followed the man down a short hallway. At the end of a hall was a giant room, with a dull shade of green for the carpet, and tan walls.

The room was filled with at least a dozen young children who looked like they were in elementary school. "Heya, kids…" he said with a sigh. The man who guided Taro in stood in front of the children. "Now, children… be nice to the man!" as soon as he exited, the children began to yell things at Matsuda. "Who are you?" "Why do you look so funny?" "You smell weird!" were amongst the comments. "Okay, settle down…" Matsuda said quietly. Realizing this wouldn't work, he stood on a wooden chair against the wall, and cupped his hands near his mouth to try to speak up. "Be quiet!" he yelled. Instantly, the room became so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

"Well then. Thank you." he cautiously stepped off the chair. He pulled out something strange from his shirt pocket. He then brought it to his face, and stuck it on his nose. "Hi kids." the room was still quiet, though Matsuda had expected a response. "My name is …" he rolled his eyes and groaned. "Giggles. And I will provide the entertainment for this evening." The silence was still intact. He looked around the room into each child's individual face. "So…" a little girl with long dark hair broke the silence. "You're the clown?" She looked up at Taro with big, innocent eyes. Taro glared back at her, then looked away. "Yes. I'm the clown." It seemed at that instant every child in the room began talking, demanding balloon animals, and wanting to see magic tricks. "Yes, it's official. I hate my life." was the last thing he said before getting to work.


End file.
